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[19 Aug 2008|06:58am]
Im sorry if I've been a bad LJ friend. I promise I will start commenting onpeoples posts and being active in communities, I just need to

A. Finish packing for college

- why this poses a challenge? my sister went to Cabbo, and my sister is notorious for overpacking. She went away for 1 week, (the week I happen to be going to college) and took the duffel bag I was going to use to go to college with. Uh.... Seriously, there are no other duffle bags in my house, and I am broke. And she is in Cabbo. Seriously, I have no idea what to do.

B. Go to college

- I have to get up at like 5AM on Saturday, go to Chicago all by myself, figure out where my college is, where the dorm is, and unpack and do all sorts of orientation things. I'm betting that orientation will be all about "learning to live in your new surroundings" which ps, I need no help learning how to do.

C. Clean my moms house.

- She went away to mass. this weekend, and she expects to come home to a sparkling house. 1. my idea of clean and moms idea of clean = very different. In an effort to meet her expectations, I ended up scrubbing the walls with bleach (In the kitchen. Shes been complaining that they are yellow compared to our new oven. Well, mom, this is why we shouldnt have gotten a white oven.) Of course I get over obsessed and OCD about my bleaching and my artistic eye can spot any discoloration between one cabinet and the other. I begin taking this obsession to the bathroom, the upstairs bathroom, the cabinets. I start cleaning the mini blinds from the window.

This is actually pretty funny. I was cleaning the mini blinds outside and bleaching and hosing them down, but i began to take things a little too personally. like, if one blind stuck to the other one in my head I was thinking "Oh you, trying to hide, well I found you!" and when i find dirt Im like "AHA! I got ya!" and then I begin thinking about how I can make a mini blind cleaning business.

Anyway, this is why I dont like cleaning. Because I'm completely insane. My mom says Im the dirtiest person alive, but thats only because I know that when I start cleaning I get crazy. My mom has never actually witnessed this, but I know it happens. So I never clean. Especially not right before I go to college, because Im already under stress, so I take it out on everything dirty around me.

This started happening with ecerything, cleaning the mirrors and seeing streaks, and furiously using my technical skills to rid the mirror of these streaks. The only thing left to do is vacuum, but I dread the vaccuum because it's hard to use, and I am relentless.

It's also pretty frustrating trying to swee p when my kitten thinks Im playing a game with him. Urgh. No, Jack, go away. He also finds it remarkable how quickly my fingers move when i thype, and right now he is attacking my arm. Urgh.

- Since I ate so much the other night at my dads house, i haven't lost any weight. All I've eaten in the past 2 days is a can of Tuna. I split it into intervals so it would last long. Anyway, I've lost .3 of a pound. But, I guess thats good because I probably gained half a pound that day. Anyway, now I have 5 days left.

I want to lose a pound in 5 days. My excersise will be my furious house cleaning. I've had scrambled eggs with provolone cheese and ham this morning. Thats about 350 calories. Zero Carbs. I've come to this weird conclusion that for every calorie I eat, that's an equal equivolant to a minute I don't eat. That will be how I space out my meals.

350 Calories = I dont eat again for 400 minutes. If your wondering how I came to this conclusion, I multiplied 24 * 60 = 1440, thats how many minutes there are in the day. I was doing this for a whole different reason, when I realized that it's the same as my RMR. My RMR says I burn about 1450 calories a day. So, 1 calorie per minute. So if I dont eat for 350 minutes, I burn all my breakfast. If I dont eat for another 50 minutes, I burn another 50 calories from various other places.

My RMR is how many calories I burn while doing nothing. Including sleep, so, since I've been so crazy this week and anxious about school I haven't been able to sleep, and when I can't sleep I usually eat. My doctor prescribed me some sleeping pills for when I can't sleep so I've been taking advantage of them this week.

So, I can eat what I want during the day, I just have to make sure that I have enough minutes in between each meal. I leave enough minutes between eating and sleeping, that way when i sleep I can use the sleeping minutes to burn calories from "various" other places.

So like, breakfast, 350 calories, then i wont eat for 400 minutes, then, lunch, 200 calories, so I wont eat for 250 minutes, then dinner, say, 150 calories, then I have to stay awake and do something for 150 minutes. This also provides me reason not to eat dinner. Because I want to sleep. But if I sleep directly after, then thats 150 minutes of my sleep just to burn off dinner. I would rather burn off dinner when Im awake and not hungry, and be hungry while I'm asleep, and not pay attention to it. Do you get it??? Am I making any sense?

Beyond the fact that this is my RMR, I'm also doing other things during the day. So, I'm probably burning more then 1400 calories per day anyway. Im probably burning like, 1800. So, I only eat like, 1000 calories a day. Or more. And it doesnt really matter what I eat, well I mean it does and it doesnt, but I can allow myself to cheat, as long as I have enough minutes to make up for it.

Plus I have to be burning mad calories with all the scrubbing I'm doing.

Anyway so my weight not moving sucks, but I'm atleast okay with my weight right now that I can be patient with it. You know, like, Im not 190lbs like I was in June, Im 160, which is only 5 pounds more then what I was this time last year. So people will see me and be like, oh you traveled the world and gained 5 lbs! so what! not like, damn, you traveled the world and gained 35 lbs?? damn.

so, I'm atleast okay with how I look. but I still need to lose 15 pounds. If I did some proper excersise this might happen more quickly, and I used to exercise like crazy but I just keep putting it off. I think its because I know that my college dorm room is conveniently RIGHT NEXT DOOR, to the gym. I dont mean like, seperate buildings, I mean like, the room over. So I can run at like midnight when I'm getting the crazies.

Anyway my mom just texted me and asked me if the house was spotless.

i dont know what to say, "yes, ive cleaned like a mad woman" or
"no, its not clean but only in the eye of a mad woman"

So yeah. these are all the reasons I ahvent been around COE_BED, or lol_Anaz, or commenting on all you wonderful people who are awesome's LJ.

Basically because I'm insane.
You probably wouldnt care what I have to say about your LJ entries anyway, why? because I'm crazy.

I hate this fucking tom cruise AD on the side of my LJ all the time. Seriously, why does tomcruise.com even exist? Fucking scientologists.

There's a scientology church down the street from me. Im pretty sure the only people Ive ever seen enter it are vandalizing teenagers/tourists.

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[18 Aug 2008|08:25pm]
More then 80% of Subway delays in Manhattan is due to crash dieters passing out in the train or on the platform.
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[16 Aug 2008|11:13pm]
so i was doing really good and then i got high. and i was like, ok cool, this speeds up my metabolism. so i didnt eat with all my friends and i was really good and proud of myself when i came home to thise huge barbeque and i was sitting at my seat and i was like, no thanks dad im not hungry. ill just have some chicken. and he's like, no no no, here, here try this, and he continues to hand me corn, and i put it down and say no and he insists, then im served this enormous meal which i eat very slowly and i only have one plate. im already efeling bad when my dad brings out magnolias cupcakes which he KNOWS are my favorite, and continues to tell me just to have one and that it will be okay.
this was right after i told him i was trying to lose weight and he said he's support me.

uughhhh must eat one can of tuna for next week.
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[16 Aug 2008|02:26pm]
if you're wondering why i havent been posting often, it's because im having an on going panic attack about being ready for college. im having this continuous battle like, "need to do this" "must make a list" "must do everything on the list this very moment or i will die"

then i sit with my mom and she understands the annoyances of having a panic attack. and so i keep asking her, what else do i need to do, she says, thats all, and i dont believe her. so we sit again for like 2 minutes, have a sip of tea, and i say, what else do i need to do? she says nothing. this happens a few more time's and she says "you need to take a xanex" lol. it's so true.

im making a little calendar of the things i need to do. no i mean, im making a calendar of how much weight i need to lose. when i get to school im going to weigh myself the next morning on the new scale, and see what the weight difference is like (those damn lying scales). my idea is to be minus 6 to 8 pounds by october first. this would other wise be really easy but I feel like my body wants these few extra pounds. I'm getting to the point where it keeps going slowly. I think I'm going to do a little crash diet sunday and monday. pretty much split two cans of tuna between three days, and do some exercycling. I just want to take advantage of having no social life (because we all know social life revolves around food) so i want to take advantage of these last and finals days of having excercycles in my room and no pressure to be around or eat food.

im going to meet with my trainer twice this week. i know i burn 700 or more calories in an hour of working out with him. he also does interval training, so ill be burning more for 24 hours after our work out. I figure if I stick to really low calorie/all protein for about 4 days and work out with him on day 1 and 3 of my little crash diet, i should lose a pound and a half. then i have three more days this week to just walk alot and not eat much. then I'll be moving in on the 23rd and with all the heavy lifting and boxes ill be moving up 6 stories of stairs, im sure i'll lose like .4 of a lb. plus if i stay all protein ill be in ketosis in 3 days. so, ill have to lose weight this week. i just want to lose 3 lbs this week. and then i will be okay losing 1 lb a week after that.

umm, someone give me their opinion.
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